London Town!

Ok, so yesterday I went to London to (finally) meet some ladies who had shared the ups and downs of pregnancy with me in 2006.

Now, I will readily admit to being nervous as a nervous thing. What to wear? Make-up or no? What to do with my hair? I know that they would not care either way, but for someone with 'issues' it was a fairly big deal.

Anyway, went for soft make-up, which promptly got sweated off in a run-for-train-carry-impossibly-tall-4-year-old. Which we missed anyway. Damnit! This on top of the grime which appeared to just attach itself to my face made me wish I had stuck with my usual bare faced look!

So, hair, easy in hot weather ponytail, oh what a shock!

BUT....

I wore a DRESS! Nearly took it off again, but I was pulling on my trousers and just thought 'uh' sooooo in a fit of confidence I threw on my tights, grabbed my dress and put it on and then hunted down my beloved boots (http://www.schuh.co.uk/black-dr-martens-triumph-1914/1407187020/tt/1/) and told mum I was ready to go before I changed my mind, and my clothes!

I actually felt great. So I shall be wearing dresses more, go me!

Starting my transition...

So, yesterday I took a big step and ordered myself some clothes! Some dresses, a cardy, some tops, tights and the kimono jacket I adore, and the bonus is I got 30% off that, £10 off the dresses and cardy too.

I have to confess to feeling incredibly nervous about this new me, its the me I want to be but is also the me that I have beaten down with my lack of self esteem and low self confidence. I think I just need to get them, wear them and face the world, I mean what's the worse that can happen? Will people point and laugh, throw rotten tomatoes at me, erm, well no. At least I hope not!

My self confidence is my problem and I need to change it, when I go out I guess its quite narcissistic to think anyone really cares about me and what I look like. I cannot let my exes view of me rule my head anymore. I need to break free and am taking steps to do this.

I also sorted my wardrobe today, it started off a a hunt for my favourite foundation (L'oreal Meta Morphose, for those interested!) which I didn't find! But I got rid of stuff that even if I slim into them, are not me anymore and not who I am now. I got rid of anything that is unflattering no matter how bi or small I am. I got rid of things that I was holding onto for comfort rather than because I like them. I even got rid of my favourite top, which is a maternity top, I didn't wear it when pregnant and have got to stop wearing it now, I hope I do not look fat enough to be pregnant so wearing it is negative.

I did keep my loungewear, being a mum and housewife I get dirty, and I don't have enough 'outside' clothes to get dirty in! So I have kept those, bit once I lose more weight I shall treat myself to something a bit more slinky and nice!

I chucked away a box of tops that were not fit for the charity shop, so not fit for the new me. I also have a box of stuff to take to the charity shops. Including shorts that fit me now. I am not keeping them for next year, I want to be smaller next year, and am going to get there. PMA and all that!

My therapist (how very American) is going to give me some exercises to do to help with my confidence and self worth and hopefully soon this blog will be full of fun frivolous things as I intended!