Monday, 2 January 2012

Do you make resolutions?

Before we start, yes, I am aware that it is the 2nd, but hey, Happy New Year!
So, what type are you? Do you throw out all the leftover Christmas food, raid Sainsbury's fruit and veg aisle and join the gym?
Or do you just carry on as you are, happy with everything you are doing and feel no need to add any pressure on yourself?

Me, personally - well I make resolutions every year. Always negative, well not really negative but always things I want to change about myself, that maybe creates a negativity in my head.
My depression has already swathed me in negative thoughts and if I am to climb from this cloud then I need to be nicer to myself.

So this year instead, this is my list of hopes, dreams and goals.

To be nicer to myself.
I have to stop with the negativity. I need to make more time to be me and find the real me again. Somewhere in the past 5 years I lost her. This is my year to find her and be nice to her.

To be more healthy.
But without beating myself up. First step, I think I will go back to Weight Watchers. It has always been where I am successful. But if I have a slip up I need to accept that, move on and carry on. Again, not beat myself up, be negative and let the feelings of dislike start again.

To be more selective.
Started this already and cancelled my subscriptions to Carmine, GlossyBox, Feel Unique and JolieBox. Sure, they were pretty and exciting, but with that money I could buy myself one or two products that I really love.
This also becomes part of my goal to be nicer to myself. Sometimes I do deserve nice things, my children are fed and clothed. They do not go without so I need to not get mum guilt when I buy myself some stuff.

To get my relationship back.
This is a pretty big admission, but depression has almost destroyed my relationship.
It came to a head in the past month and we have both agreed that while we don't want to split that we are pretty much housemates. I don't want a housemate. I want my husband back and I am going to kick this depression to the kerb and make it happen.

That is pretty much it, I start my voluntary TA position on the 9th of January, hopefully this will give me a confidence boost. Otherwise I want to pass my TA course, socialise with friends more and more importantly I want to smile more!

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